(Almost) everything is complicated
In which we explore the rise of "it's not complicated" as a conversation stopper and what we might want to say instead.
When you start to think about things deeply, most things are complicated. (And yes, it’s that deep.) However, the fact that something is complicated doesn’t absolve us from the responsibility to do the work to understand that complexity, especially if that thing relates to our area of focus in the world. It’s a “yes, and” sort of situation.
Recently if you’re in the generally leftist/progressive/whatever internet circles that I’m in, you’ve likely seen people saying (or said yourself) something like: “it’s not complicated” when talking about the genocide happening in Palestine.
What people often mean when they say this is something like, “it is clear to me that this is a genocide, and it’s not a complicated thing to say that a genocide is bad. Anyone who is saying ‘it’s complicated’ is using that as an excuse because they don’t want to say something controversial or they haven’t done enough work to understand the issue.” While that may be true sometimes, the lack of nuance doesn’t help move the conversation forward.
We are all shaped by the environments and cultures we were raised in, and our world views continue to be shaped and reinforced by the information we take in and what we see around us. My corner of the internet is not the same as yours. My news sources are not the same as yours. My childhood beliefs are not the same as yours. We are all existing in different contexts. This alone adds complication to understanding each other, especially when we’re talking about things online.
When I see accounts of Jewish folks raised in Zionism who unlearned false negative beliefs about Palestinians and better understood how Israel acts as an oppressive force, like this article by Julia Rios or this TikTok, they are long, winding roads to untangle the complicated worldviews that had been constructed from birth. When I think of my own (ever ongoing) journeys of growth and change and unlearning biases, I can clearly see that this does not happen overnight.
It is complicated to shape and reshape our worldviews. It is complicated to come from a lineage of oppression and consider the idea that what was meant to be your safe haven is someone else’s nightmare. It is complicated to hear about a geopolitical situation for the first time, hear mixed information from all sides, and come up with an opinion while trying to pay your bills during a recession. Yelling at someone that this shouldn’t be complicated doesn’t actually take away those complications; it just dismisses them.
To be clear, the fact that something is complicated is not a reason it should not be investigated. If anything, it might be all the more reason to do it. After all, as Rilke reminds us, “that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it.”
A better response to “it’s complicated” would be, “why?” This gives someone the opportunity to explore what feels complicated. Is it a hollow way to avoid the question? Are they struggling with long-held beliefs? Have they simply not made the time to think on it further? Are they at home caring for an ill family member and not connected to this tragedy the way you are? Are they aware of some of the complications but haven’t made time to untangle them? The more you understand where someone is coming from, the better you can support their unraveling of the complication. When we show up with care and curiosity, we invite people to be caring and curious to themselves and keep asking questions. When we show up shouting and draw a line in the sand, we often force people to entrench further into their already existing beliefs, to stay on their side of the line.
Ultimately, if we want to change hearts and minds, we have to be willing to recognize that something that may not feel complicated for us might feel complicated for someone else, and then meet them where they are (or walk away). Do we want to feel good about being right in the moment or do we want to build effective movements engaging different people and supporting them in their own growth, so that we can work together to impact change?
We also need to recognize that a lot of the work needs to happen offline. Arguing in a comment section with someone who doesn’t know you and can’t feel your humanity is a waste of your time and energy, and both of those are finite resources. Change is hard. Faceless internet strangers are rarely the ones to walk us through hard things. (Again — a moment for nuance. I have a lot of close friends I’ve made from the internet. But this takes time and continued connection. It does not happen in one comment section.) We have to show up enough to build relationships with people with whom we don’t entirely agree. This is difficult work. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it definitely doesn’t happen if we shut down all complexity.
We need to let things be complicated, and then let us pick up the work of untangling that complication, together.
🧠 Interesting explorations
Here are a few things I’ve been exploring recently.
(Note: some links below are affiliate links for Bookshop.org, an Amazon alternative that supports local bookshops throughout the US and UK.)
📚 Against the Loveless World by Susan Abulhawa is this month’s book for the Soft Heart Book Club. I read it a couple years ago, and I’m hoping more folks read it with me this month. It’s a difficult and humanizing story of Palestinian life as refugees from a brutal occupation. [Update that after some back and forth and trying to figure out the best way to handle email lists &etc, I’ve decided to keep the Soft Heart Book Club situation separate from Substack. So the email lists are handled separately, and you need to subscribe/unsubscribe from both separately. Email me if you’re having any issues, and I’m happy to help.]
🎧 The entire (currently 6 part) podcast series on Palestine by Upstream. See part 1 here. If you’re a podcast person, I highly recommend the Upstream podcast for interesting conversations to expand your worldview and think about how we create better futures.
🎥 The entire We Love You instagram account. These young guys do such fun things with their videos and the messages are spot on. I’ve been appreciating their levity amidst, y’know, the horrors.